Jbefuobhjksjk :(

I haven't been feeling so swell lately. I've been restricting again so I'm not eating a lot. I'm weak and tired but I'm going better than last time. Or worse, depending in how you look at it. I feel much more in control. It's kind of natural now, and I think that might be bad. I'm always in two minds about this, I want to stop and do better simultaneously. Uh. Everyone's all on my case about counsellors and food and suspicious whenever I'm in the bathroom for a second too long. It's hard.

On top of all those shenanigans, I'm doing twelve hour days at my course. I also need a lot more money if I'm going to move out which means longer days. I don't know if I can do it. I feel like I'm physically breaking. It's just a good thing I've got five seasons of 30 Rock.

But I do have a driving test in a week!
Driving + Jacinta = yes

Dear blog friends,

I am at the train station, sick and self pitying, waiting to go home to then go out again to a party with some people I went to school with. I think it's gonna be pretty bad. So anyway, since my sneaky trip to Katoomba I've got a little present for Hamish for our one year aniversa-thing tomorrow. That's pretty cool!
I think the plan is to go out for breakfast and then watch movies in bed for the rest of the day yes yes yes

Ooh! For dinner, I'm not ashamed to say (maybe a little, get off my case) that I picked up a little jar of baby food which I actually love okay and I'm really looking forward to it. Hopefully I won't t throw this up because I haven't been able to keep down food for the last few days. Sorry for detail, but you need to know my story! It's a bad time. I don't wanna go ooouut :(

Alright I'll stop complaining now.

Hamish and I didn't buy each other stuff for valentines day, instead we stayed up together all night saying nice things to each other and whatever it sounds lame but it was lovely. While I was in the shower he made me an extra hot, extra strong cup of tea and I am having a very good time.
We talked about houses and babies and a two month trip to England next Christmas. I told him I'm trying to be happy forever and he said that I should and kissed me on the forehead.

Yeah-!

I'm an art student now! Soon I will have a diploma of fine arts just like the king has, just you wait. To celebrate the first week of classes, on the weekend I went to a sweet sweet part and we all had a really good time, just have a look:

The party was well crazy and Everything was loud and crowded. I and three of my very favourite people ever sat around away from the noise because it was all a bit much cause of what we took and it was amazing and I felt sooo good and fuck I love them so much.

Yes, well I'm having a party tomorrow and everything is going to get broken and dirtied so of course in preparation I cleaned up. I don't know what to do now. Since I've been very sad and very stressed and very anxious for the last few days, I thought it was time for a little ball park music. "Good choice Jacinta," I hear you say, "yes, it's true, it's true," I reply and then we fly into the yonder.

For realzies though, I haven't been going very well. I'm desperate to get better, I'm very tired of being sad. It's exhausting. I used to be a very happy guy and the last two years have just been like, oh lawdy. Loads of horrible things have happened, loads of horrible emotions also have surfaced. I'm tempted to write about some things but some stuff is quite private and I'm worried someone I know might see this or I might trigger someone.

I have been drawing again lately, after a while of doing nothing but sit in bed and look blank. So, that's great. And I'm pleased.

Anyway, I'd better go watch misfits, you know how it is

Yes. I think so.

Today I woke up at 3pm after staying up all night with some people I like and some people that aren't so good. Drugs and drinking and ball park music. I've been drawing and sitting around and watching the father ted. I haven't been eating very much and I've been tired and I seem to be breaking in the literal sense hah.

Today is a day for watching the it crowd in bed with Hamish, that guy that I love.

Oh my larks

This has been such a long morning. It's 6am and I'm coming down alone on a station because the people that are usually there to comedown with are being well boring. I keep crying, I was so lonely. Like proper lonely, the kind of lonely where you feel sorry for yourself and then you feel bad about feeling sorry for yourself and try to get it together. I miss my boyfriend, he's at home asleep. And I went to the only bakery I could find that was opened and I bought him a custard tart. And it only just occurred to me that he won't be able to eat it while its hot. Lame.

Speed on a Monday morning is not a habit I want to get into.

I want to sleep sooooo bad. I guess I'll just shower and watch father yes instead. Aw yeah summer Monday mornings