Jbefuobhjksjk :(

I haven't been feeling so swell lately. I've been restricting again so I'm not eating a lot. I'm weak and tired but I'm going better than last time. Or worse, depending in how you look at it. I feel much more in control. It's kind of natural now, and I think that might be bad. I'm always in two minds about this, I want to stop and do better simultaneously. Uh. Everyone's all on my case about counsellors and food and suspicious whenever I'm in the bathroom for a second too long. It's hard.

On top of all those shenanigans, I'm doing twelve hour days at my course. I also need a lot more money if I'm going to move out which means longer days. I don't know if I can do it. I feel like I'm physically breaking. It's just a good thing I've got five seasons of 30 Rock.

But I do have a driving test in a week!
Driving + Jacinta = yes

Dear blog friends,

I am at the train station, sick and self pitying, waiting to go home to then go out again to a party with some people I went to school with. I think it's gonna be pretty bad. So anyway, since my sneaky trip to Katoomba I've got a little present for Hamish for our one year aniversa-thing tomorrow. That's pretty cool!
I think the plan is to go out for breakfast and then watch movies in bed for the rest of the day yes yes yes

Ooh! For dinner, I'm not ashamed to say (maybe a little, get off my case) that I picked up a little jar of baby food which I actually love okay and I'm really looking forward to it. Hopefully I won't t throw this up because I haven't been able to keep down food for the last few days. Sorry for detail, but you need to know my story! It's a bad time. I don't wanna go ooouut :(

Alright I'll stop complaining now.

Hamish and I didn't buy each other stuff for valentines day, instead we stayed up together all night saying nice things to each other and whatever it sounds lame but it was lovely. While I was in the shower he made me an extra hot, extra strong cup of tea and I am having a very good time.
We talked about houses and babies and a two month trip to England next Christmas. I told him I'm trying to be happy forever and he said that I should and kissed me on the forehead.

Yeah-!

I'm an art student now! Soon I will have a diploma of fine arts just like the king has, just you wait. To celebrate the first week of classes, on the weekend I went to a sweet sweet part and we all had a really good time, just have a look:

The party was well crazy and Everything was loud and crowded. I and three of my very favourite people ever sat around away from the noise because it was all a bit much cause of what we took and it was amazing and I felt sooo good and fuck I love them so much.

Yes, well I'm having a party tomorrow and everything is going to get broken and dirtied so of course in preparation I cleaned up. I don't know what to do now. Since I've been very sad and very stressed and very anxious for the last few days, I thought it was time for a little ball park music. "Good choice Jacinta," I hear you say, "yes, it's true, it's true," I reply and then we fly into the yonder.

For realzies though, I haven't been going very well. I'm desperate to get better, I'm very tired of being sad. It's exhausting. I used to be a very happy guy and the last two years have just been like, oh lawdy. Loads of horrible things have happened, loads of horrible emotions also have surfaced. I'm tempted to write about some things but some stuff is quite private and I'm worried someone I know might see this or I might trigger someone.

I have been drawing again lately, after a while of doing nothing but sit in bed and look blank. So, that's great. And I'm pleased.

Anyway, I'd better go watch misfits, you know how it is

Yes. I think so.