Jbefuobhjksjk :(

I haven't been feeling so swell lately. I've been restricting again so I'm not eating a lot. I'm weak and tired but I'm going better than last time. Or worse, depending in how you look at it. I feel much more in control. It's kind of natural now, and I think that might be bad. I'm always in two minds about this, I want to stop and do better simultaneously. Uh. Everyone's all on my case about counsellors and food and suspicious whenever I'm in the bathroom for a second too long. It's hard.

On top of all those shenanigans, I'm doing twelve hour days at my course. I also need a lot more money if I'm going to move out which means longer days. I don't know if I can do it. I feel like I'm physically breaking. It's just a good thing I've got five seasons of 30 Rock.

But I do have a driving test in a week!
Driving + Jacinta = yes

Dear blog friends,

I am at the train station, sick and self pitying, waiting to go home to then go out again to a party with some people I went to school with. I think it's gonna be pretty bad. So anyway, since my sneaky trip to Katoomba I've got a little present for Hamish for our one year aniversa-thing tomorrow. That's pretty cool!
I think the plan is to go out for breakfast and then watch movies in bed for the rest of the day yes yes yes

Ooh! For dinner, I'm not ashamed to say (maybe a little, get off my case) that I picked up a little jar of baby food which I actually love okay and I'm really looking forward to it. Hopefully I won't t throw this up because I haven't been able to keep down food for the last few days. Sorry for detail, but you need to know my story! It's a bad time. I don't wanna go ooouut :(

Alright I'll stop complaining now.

Hamish and I didn't buy each other stuff for valentines day, instead we stayed up together all night saying nice things to each other and whatever it sounds lame but it was lovely. While I was in the shower he made me an extra hot, extra strong cup of tea and I am having a very good time.
We talked about houses and babies and a two month trip to England next Christmas. I told him I'm trying to be happy forever and he said that I should and kissed me on the forehead.

Yeah-!

I'm an art student now! Soon I will have a diploma of fine arts just like the king has, just you wait. To celebrate the first week of classes, on the weekend I went to a sweet sweet part and we all had a really good time, just have a look:

The party was well crazy and Everything was loud and crowded. I and three of my very favourite people ever sat around away from the noise because it was all a bit much cause of what we took and it was amazing and I felt sooo good and fuck I love them so much.

Yes, well I'm having a party tomorrow and everything is going to get broken and dirtied so of course in preparation I cleaned up. I don't know what to do now. Since I've been very sad and very stressed and very anxious for the last few days, I thought it was time for a little ball park music. "Good choice Jacinta," I hear you say, "yes, it's true, it's true," I reply and then we fly into the yonder.

For realzies though, I haven't been going very well. I'm desperate to get better, I'm very tired of being sad. It's exhausting. I used to be a very happy guy and the last two years have just been like, oh lawdy. Loads of horrible things have happened, loads of horrible emotions also have surfaced. I'm tempted to write about some things but some stuff is quite private and I'm worried someone I know might see this or I might trigger someone.

I have been drawing again lately, after a while of doing nothing but sit in bed and look blank. So, that's great. And I'm pleased.

Anyway, I'd better go watch misfits, you know how it is

Yes. I think so.

Today I woke up at 3pm after staying up all night with some people I like and some people that aren't so good. Drugs and drinking and ball park music. I've been drawing and sitting around and watching the father ted. I haven't been eating very much and I've been tired and I seem to be breaking in the literal sense hah.

Today is a day for watching the it crowd in bed with Hamish, that guy that I love.

Oh my larks

This has been such a long morning. It's 6am and I'm coming down alone on a station because the people that are usually there to comedown with are being well boring. I keep crying, I was so lonely. Like proper lonely, the kind of lonely where you feel sorry for yourself and then you feel bad about feeling sorry for yourself and try to get it together. I miss my boyfriend, he's at home asleep. And I went to the only bakery I could find that was opened and I bought him a custard tart. And it only just occurred to me that he won't be able to eat it while its hot. Lame.

Speed on a Monday morning is not a habit I want to get into.

I want to sleep sooooo bad. I guess I'll just shower and watch father yes instead. Aw yeah summer Monday mornings

the time when ireland happened

loads of stuff has happened and i don't know how i feel about everything, it's all pretty crazy. i'm so happy for summer coming and festival season and sunniness and so many other things. i've finished school, just about to start working, just about to move out of home and also i'm in ireland right now which is pretty cool.
and even though ireland is lovely and there's heaps of greatness and rainbows (mostly of the literal kind) i've never been more excited for anything than i am to get back to australia. i'm sorry i ever doubted you australia, you're actually a really cool guy. then theres friends and family and boyfriend and australian tea bags :'|

i got some nice pictures. i'm happy. i've also been drawing loads because i've had a lot of time seeing as we're staying with my great-grandma who lives in a not very happening neighbourhood. it's been nice and it's definitely made me appreciate just how awesome my australian people are, they're going to get such a fucking hug.

so, yeah, i'm back! 

there have been some not so good times involving an eating disorder i've had for a few years and counselors i'm being forced to see as a result. that's about it, really. in order to avoid annoying everyone with boring tales about things of this nature i created a new more boring, more depressing blog here. 

sorry i've been away for a while, i'm certain that everyone has been missing my exciting blog updates but not to worry, i am back. 

it's autumn :')

i'm so happy for autumn! how good is autumn? it's the best thing ever! that's pretty much all i have to say on the subject of autumn, now for some upsetting news.

i had to write an essay yesterday. it was not a good thing. i had to sit down, on the computer and NOT go on things like facebook and blogger. well, i did do that, but at the same time i had to write an essay which really took away from the whole experience.

aww yeeaah, doing homework.. well, "doing"...

artistic representation of Jacinta's mood

Anyway... some good things also happened, like, that weren't homework related. but o don't have time to write about them right now as i'm actually supposed to be getting ready for tafe. i will recount the good times at a later date! *BIG KISS*

bad news (for me). in a deep state of poor, i realised that if i'm going to be able to continue doing anything (catching the train, catching the bus, buying a coffee, buying anything, etc) then i'm going to have to re-enter the depressing world of employment.

my last job had me considering death rather than serving coffee to a bunch of rude tourists every weekend when i could have been doing other thing like still being in bed or eating toast. that's an exaggeration but the point is my job was shit.

sadly, i've reached the decision that i need to get another job. but this time the job will be entirely unrelated to coffee in every way.

with a whole lot of 18th birthday parties coming up i feel obliged to bring some wort of alcoholic beverage other wise, feeling bad, i'll sit in the corner drinking tap water all night. sadly this costs money, something i don't have, as you probably picked up.

in other news- it's raining again! wow, what a bloody surprise! here's a picture of my beautiful view. i use this window (yes, it's broken) to look out upon the town and survey my kingdom.my favorite hangout, where i eat, draw, watch movies, study* and avoid the household cats (to no prevail) *lie
this is it in it's current statemy dear friend Peats. almost one year old (a personal goldfish best!), he keeps me company while i eat and is infinitely cooler than the cats

yes

It's 12:43am, way past my bedtime, and i feel kind of sick so i can't get to sleep. To deal with this situation i decided it would be best for me to write a post on here. I warn you it will be desperately boring so i understand if you wish to quickly close this page while you have the chance- i won't be offended. Mostly because i won't know, which is why this is such a good opportunity for you to ignore me without any feeling getting hurt! This is a very stupid post. Hmm...
I have to go back to school on monday. Lame. But on the bright side- last year of school! Next time i study it'll be something i actually want to be learning about! Well, i suppose i'd better leave before i write something even more pointless than the afore mentioned stupid

I miss camping. Maybe i should become a gypsy. As devastating as it was having to set up my $15 k-mart tent (of terrible quality) in the rain (and on more than one occasion we actually considered sleeping in the front and passenger seats) it was all kinds of excellent not knowing what would happen the next day and boiling hot water over a very disappointingly assembled campfire (my fault) and meeting awesome people you wouldn't normally talk to back home. I miss drinking tea with european backpackers and having conversations with couples while their kids paddled in a creek. Also this one possum that stuck it's head in my tea cup for like 10 minutes and then scuttled off into a tree where it proceeded to stare at us for what i can only assume was a long time. We got bored and went to sleep. Good times! And now i'm back in the same town i've lived in since i was 5. Not so exciting but i guess it's cool to have a place you know you'd always be able to come back to.

Just one more year and i'll be holidaying madly around the UK and Ireland with my good mate Bec and a few of her old England friends. And then i might have to become a gypsy as i have no other ideas if what should happen with my life. Hang on, i'm annoying myself. I'm going to suggest that i shut up and stop talking about the future's uncertainties

home

Finally in my own bed. I can't tell you how great this is after spending nearly every night for the last week on very hard ground with a rather shitty sleeping bag. But i did have heaps of fun, we stopped in a lot of little towns, all with weird names, on the drive down and then stayed 3 nights in a motel in Dandenong. The drive back was infinitely less enthusiastic. Probably owing to the fact that the weather was horrible, and just to make matters worse i got a three month suspension on my licence and an annoyingly large fine *sigh* Then as if to add insult to injury it was too wet to set up the tent. We slept in the car. This my friends was a bad day. But aside from that, it was just so excellent to be in places i'd never seen before and meet people i'd never met. We caught up with the very same Germans we met camping a couple of weeks ago and had a very good time.

Ah Porepunkah.. Awesome place, awesome name :)

Little lane in Melbourne looking suspiciously like diagon alley but with probably more vegan cafes

Feast to celebrate staying at a place with a shower

Now my throat hurts and i want nothing more than to lie in bed with a cup of something warm, good to be home and showered.

Hmm, these photos are depressingly pixilated and i don't know why. Maybe i should sleep in compensation